I’ve just come back from the beach. What a morning. The sun shimmering on the water surface. Seagulls bobbing offshore on the low tide. Seawater rushing onto the beach warm against my feet.
The beach this morning had a diversity of people. Young and old. Men, women. Children. Everyone enjoying the fresh salty sea air and the morning sun.
What’s this got to do with listening skills? It’s the point about diversity. Each day you encounter people from diverse backgrounds, beliefs and perspectives. How do you get on with them?
Building rapport with people is essential and after that one needs to listen to what they have to say. However, some people can bore you to death. They never let you get a word in edgeways. They seem only interested in what they have to say. When you try to interject and try to speak, they brush you off and carry on with their magnificent pearls of wisdom, adventures and successes.
Conversation should be a two-way street. But it’s not always the case. People are interested in themselves and depending on their egos they will let you know how great they are. This is good in a way. It’s healthy to express your achievements, what you’re good at and praise from others. However, it becomes a one-way continual broadcast when they don’t want to listen to others.
The downside of this is that they don’t realise the mistake they are making. After a while, you get tired of their constant outpourings about themselves. This pushes you into disengaging and perhaps even avoiding them.
You may be thinking, why can’t you ask them to give you a chance to speak? It may work. Sometimes it does work. But then they go back to their normal selves and just carry on in the same old way.
I enjoy people who can give and take. Those who speak and those who listen too. People who have self-deprecating humour. People who let others do their bragging for them.
Here I’m thinking of Sir Harry Flashman. Others do the praise singing for him. Most of the time he has to suppress his fears. He might mention some of his conquests but in a quick offhand way. But he’s endearing because of his charm, cowardice and fleetness of foot despite his chattering teeth, as one reviewer put it.
Communication is essential to be human. What we want to see and appreciate is a person in their fullness warts and all. People need to and should express themselves.
A person with integrity is a whole person who is able to express their sorrows and enjoy, regrets and successes, concerns and confidence and their love and humour.
