How do you deal with nosy Parkers who continue scratching around to find your problem points and relish giving you unsolicited advice?

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One thing that irritates me is people, whoever they are, who give me unsolicited advice.

What about you?

How do you feel?

Their advice is hardly ever something that is special or valuable.

I can’t believe how nosy and interfering some people can be. I mean, some I know will go ask your friends and acquaintances what is troubling you and then phone you and say, I heard somebody tell me that you’re troubled or upset about so-and-so. Can you believe it? They’ll stoop this low. And it’s all about making themselves feel important. Anyway, you have to handle behaviour like this or you will end up with no friends.

I think they just like hearing the sound of their own voices and making themselves self-important (I’ve listed some motivations at the end of this post).

The only thing that I benefit from these people is:

to learn that I should not give unsolicited advice.

I’ve been guilty of giving unsolicited advice, and it falls flat. Watch your listener’s body language and listen to their verbal response. Afterwards, you’ll quickly see that you’ve missed the mark. When the conversation goes flat and has this deadening quality.

I think the secret to giving advice is asking a few questions first to understand where the person is coming from and then asking them, do they want advice? Do they want a comment? Do they want information? Or do they want just a shoulder to cry on or listen to?

What is the difference between giving advice and giving information? It lies in the intent and nature of the content shared:

1. **Intent:**

   – **Giving Advice:** The intent is to influence the recipient’s actions or decisions. Advice is usually based on the advisor’s experience, opinion, or judgment about what the recipient should do in a particular situation.

   – **Giving Information:** The intent is to provide facts, data, or knowledge without necessarily influencing the recipient’s decisions. Information is typically neutral and objective, allowing the recipient to use it as they see fit.

2. **Nature of Content:**

   – **Giving Advice:** This often includes recommendations, suggestions, or guidance. Advice is subjective and personalized, tailored to the specific circumstances and needs of the recipient.

   – **Giving Information:** This comprises factual details, statistics, or descriptions. Information is objective and can be applied broadly, not tailored to a specific individual’s situation.

3. **Outcome:**

   – **Giving Advice:** The expected outcome is that the recipient will consider the advisor’s recommendations when making decisions or taking actions.

   – **Giving Information:** The expected outcome is that the recipient will gain knowledge or awareness, which they can then use to make their own informed decisions.

4. **Example:**

   – **Giving Advice:** “I think you should invest in real estate because it’s a stable long-term investment.”

   – **Giving Information:** “Real estate prices in this area have increased by 5% annually over the past decade.”

Understanding these differences can help in choosing the appropriate approach depending on the context and the needs of the recipient.

Reasons or motivations why people give unsolicited advice

People often love giving advice to friends and acquaintances for a bunch of reasons:

1. **Wanting to Help:** We like to help out those we care about. Giving advice feels like a way to support friends and help them through tough times.

2. **Feeling Smart:** It’s nice to feel knowledgeable. Sharing advice lets us show off our experience and feel useful.

3. **Connecting with Others:** Giving advice is a way to show empathy and strengthen our bonds. It shows we care and understand what our friends are going through.

4. **Boosting Self-Worth:** When someone asks for or takes our advice, it feels good. It’s validating and makes us feel valued.

5. **Social Give-and-Take:** Relationships are about give and take. Offering advice is part of being supportive and keeping the balance.

6. **Influence and Control:** Sometimes, we give advice to steer things in a direction we think is best. It’s a way to have some influence over situations or outcomes.

7. **Easing Discomfort:** Watching friends struggle can be uncomfortable. Giving advice helps reduce that discomfort by aligning their actions with what we think is right.

8. **Personal Growth:** Giving advice can help us think through our own beliefs and learn from others’ reactions and feedback.

Knowing these motivations can help us understand why people seem to continually interfere in your life.

PS I’ve given many people advice about writing and now they are successfully employed. Who else is ready to increase their writing skills and want help? Type “Writing” in the comments or DM me and we can set up a time to chat. 

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