Many years ago, I came across a book in a second-hand store on removing stains. I tell you, it was a fantastic eye-opener on some of the simple things you can do using basic liquids and other stuff like salt in your home to rescue your belongings.
Households are filled with problems like this. The worst one is when you spill red wine on a white shirt. Most people will tell you to quickly wet it and dump salt on it while you wait to do the washing. But what about carpet stains? What happens when a dog messes on your carpet—how do you get rid of that stain and the smell?
The mundane reality is that the average householder is battling stains all the time. Sometimes it’s a matter of politeness. You have workers in your house, and they smear their hands against the side of your doors while standing there talking. To be polite, you don’t tell them to remove their hands from your white wooden architraves. Afterwards, you’re the one left holding the cloth, trying to figure out the least invasive item to clean it with.
Then there are outdoor stains, ranging from bird droppings to oil. I had a guy come over with a chainsaw to cut down some branches. He decided to re-oil his two-stroke chainsaw right on my cement driveway. Afterwards, the cement was black with oil. I told him about it, but he never came back to fix it. He wasn’t interested, which left a very black mark against his name—needless to say, I’ve never used him again.
I had to figure out how to clean two-stroke oil off cement myself. The most expensive solution recommended to me was pool chlorine, but a tub of that costs a fortune, and since I don’t have a pool, why would I buy it? Eventually, someone told me to use standard dishwashing liquid, scrub the area vigorously, and follow it up with the ubiquitous Handy Andy, which is good for many things anyway. It worked brilliantly.
The Winter Mold Wars
The worst problem I get happens in winter. Living in the Cape, nestled right under a mountain that gets very little sun, I get mold that looks like it’s trying to display all the colors of the rainbow—white mold, black mold, green mold. I’m joking about the rainbow, but the sheer variety of fungal flora I have to deal with is incredible.
It sits on damp ceilings, especially in the kitchen. It gets onto clothes so quickly it’s unbelievable, leaving me running around every winter Googling remedies. Unfortunately, I lost that old second-hand book on stain removal. Today, it’s obviously easier to just search the internet than to hunt down a physical copy, but it would still be incredibly handy to have on the shelf.
Right now, my biggest headache is a special leather folder that I use for important items. I’ve already had to clean it with vinegar twice in the past month because the mold keeps returning. I’ve even had to move my shoes to another room because if I leave them in the bedroom, they instantly grow a furry coat.
Worse still, you have to watch out for your cameras. Someone who loves shock-and-horror stories recently frightened the living daylights out of me by pointing out that if mold spores get inside your camera lenses, you can essentially forget it. There go thousands of rands worth of fine Canon lenses, and there isn’t much you can do about it after the fact.
(Note: To stop that permanent mold on your leather folder, vinegar is a great killer, but it leaves the leather dry and porous—making it an open invitation for new spores. After it dries, rub a thin layer of genuine Neatsfoot oil or a specialized leather conditioner with a fungicide onto it. For the cameras and shoes, the secret isn’t cleaning; it’s airflow and humidity. Keep your lenses in a sealed, airtight plastic container with a handful of silica gel sachets to suck the moisture out of the air before the spores can feed.)
The Stain Removal Bookshelf
If you want to keep a physical troubleshooting guide on your shelf rather than relying on a search engine every time disaster strikes, here are a few books with excellent titles—ranging from the definitive reference manuals to the delightfully quirky:
- “Cleaning and Stain Removal For Dummies” by Gill Chilton
The absolute standard for clear, structured advice. It breaks down over 101 common household mishaps into foolproof, room-by-room solutions. - “The Stain and Spot Remover Handbook” by Jean Cooper
A classic first-aid manual for fabrics. It’s the definitive reference guide that professionals keep handy for treating delicate textiles. - “Talking Dirty with the Queen of Clean” by Linda Cobb
A wonderfully cheeky title for a household management bestseller that treats lifting grease and grime like sharing an inside scoop. - “Out, Damned Spot!”
While not a technical textbook, almost every clever historical guide to laundry uses Lady Macbeth’s famous Shakespearean soliloquy as a title. It’s the ultimate literary nod to a stubborn blemish.
Three Unusual, Cheap Stain Hacks
You don’t always need to run to the supermarket shelf for an expensive chemical solution. Here are three unusual, budget-friendly pantry fixes for common household headaches:
1. Cucumber “Eraser” for Crayon Marks
If anyone has decided to use a painted wall or a white door frame as a canvas for wax crayons, skip the abrasive scrubs that ruin the paint finish. Slice off the end of a raw cucumber and use the rough, outer skin to buff the crayon marks. The natural oils and texture of the skin bind with the wax, lifting it cleanly away.
2. Mayonnaise for Wooden Water Rings
Leaving a damp cup on a wooden table can leave that dreaded, cloudy white ring where moisture gets trapped under the wax finish. Dab a spoonful of standard mayonnaise directly onto the white ring and let it sit for a few hours (or overnight) before wiping it clean. The oil-and-egg emulsion gently penetrates the wood finish, displacing the trapped moisture and restoring the timber.
3. Meat Tenderiser for Protein Stains
Setting a stubborn, organic stain on a fabric or mattress usually feels like game over. Mix a small amount of unseasoned meat tenderiser powder with a few drops of water to form a thick paste. Rub it into the spot, let it sit for an hour, and dab it away with a cold, damp cloth. The natural enzymes in the tenderiser (like papain from papaya) literally break down and digest the protein bonds of the stain.
A Quick Disclaimer: Please take these DIY pantry tips with a healthy pinch of salt—and perhaps a dash of pepper. While these home remedies are time-tested classics, I am a writer, not a scientist. If your favorite heirloom tablecloth ends up smelling like a salad or a Sunday roast gone wrong, I am respectfully absolving myself of all blame! Test a small corner first, and happy cleaning.
