In life and in negotiation, self-confidence is extremely important. You need to be confident to handle a negotiation. It’s not that you should be overconfident and come across as arrogant or overbearing. Not at all. You need a quiet confidence and patience to see you through your negotiation. If you can’t get what you want, in certain circumstances, it might be better to walk away and maybe come back another day.
One of the aspects of negotiation sounds very simple, but when you look at it, it’s actually quite complicated. I’m talking about that classic piece of advice we all get: “Just meet in the middle.” “Split the difference.”
It seems so fair, so logical, so… easy. But I’m here to tell you that automatically splitting the difference is one of the worst things you can do. It’s the lazy way out, and it often leaves value—and money—on the table.
I’ve tried to simplify it as best as I can below. Read through it. Digest it. And perhaps you may have a better understanding of what splitting the difference really means.
The Trap of the “Fair” Middle Ground
Let’s paint a picture. You’re selling your used road bike. You’ve done your research and list it for a fair but negotiable R18,000. A buyer comes along, kicks the tires, and says, “I’ll give you R12,000 for it.”
Now, “splitting the difference” can be done two ways, and both lead to the same dangerous place:
- You can meet in the middle: (R18,000 + R12,000) / 2 = R15,000
- Or, you can literally split the difference: The difference is R6,000. Half of that is R3,000. You add that to the lower offer: R12,000 + R3,000 = R15,000
Both calculations land you squarely on R15,000.
It feels like a natural compromise. You feel the pressure to be “reasonable.” So, you say, “How about we split the difference? R15,000?”
Seems fine, right? But let’s rewind.
Why did you list it for R18,000? Because that’s its actual market value. Why did they offer R12,000? It’s a strategic lowball, an anchor designed to drag the final price down.
By splitting the difference, you have done one crucial thing: you’ve accepted their ridiculously low anchor as a legitimate starting point. You rewarded an unreasonable offer and lost R3,000 of value in a single, quick calculation.
You were patient and confident enough not to walk away, but you weren’t confident enough to negotiate on your own terms.
So, What Should You Do Instead?
The goal isn’t to be stubborn. It’s to be smarter. The number is rarely the real issue; it’s just the surface-level symptom of what each party truly wants.
Your job is to uncover the why behind their number. This is where that quiet confidence comes in. Instead of firing back a counter-offer, get curious.
You could respond to the bike offer with:
“Thanks for the offer. I appreciate you’re interested. To help me understand, what’s behind your number of R12,000?”
Or use a gentle, collaborative challenge popularized by former FBI negotiator Chris Voss:
“How am I supposed to accept R12,000 when I’ve got comparable bikes listed for over eighteen thousand?”
This isn’t confrontational. It invites them to explain their position. Maybe their budget is truly maxed out at R14,000. Maybe they’re worried about needing a new gear set and are factoring in repair costs.
Now you have information. And information is power.
Instead of splitting the difference, you can create a better deal:
· “I understand the budget concern. I can’t go as low as R12,000, but if you can do R16,500, I’ll throw in the R2,200 clipless pedals and the premium lock I was going to sell separately.”
· See what happened? You moved less on the price (R16,500 vs. R15,000) but created more perceived value for them. You might even come out ahead financially while they feel like they won.
Walk Away with More Than Just a Compromise
Splitting the difference is a game of subtraction. True negotiation is a game of addition and discovery.
It requires the confidence to pause, to ask questions, and to listen. It demands the patience to not jump at the easiest solution. Sometimes, the best deal you’ll ever make is the one you’re willing to walk away from, because it tells the other party you value your own assets and time.
So the next time you’re in a negotiation and feel that pull to “just meet in the middle,” stop. Take a breath. Get curious. Uncover what’s really driving the other side.
You’ll find that the best deals aren’t found in the space between your numbers. They’re found in the conversation around them.
What’s a time you split the difference and regretted it? Let me know in the comments.
